You don't know who I am
That was my mistake, masking myself in something that I knew you'd hate
I was afraid to look you in the eye
So I made sure that you'd turn away from me
Well congratulations, my plan was a success
So what was the point of it all?

I know that I'm going to be the reason you won't love like you should
But it shouldn't be that way
I asked too much of you
When I asked you to cover your eyes to what I was becoming
I'd prefer that you never knew me
So that you wouldn't feel the way that you do because of me
I didn't hear what you were saying until you couldn't say a word
I wanted the distance to repair what I did when I was close to you

Near your heart are scars that I've left
I wouldn't do that to a stranger, so how could I be so insensitive to your needs?
I'd say I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough
I could leave the world alone with ease, but not you
And yet somehow I left you lonely
I knew I was forgetting something, I just didn't think that it was you
What was I thinking?
Every time I fell apart I chose to turn away
Rather than to face you in your beautiful intensity
Looking for an excuse, I took the nearest exit before you could see my face
And when you turned around the person you knew was long gone
And for that I could never be sorry enough

My identity was in you, maybe that was my mistake
Wanting approval when I was already in your grace
Wanting to know what to do with you when I didn't know what to do with myself
Showing you so much more than you bargained for
The smiles, the laughs, they all feel so empty when you can't see my face
In the many months past I've yet to reclaim that bond with anyone
I’ve covered my eyes and covered my ears to every invitation
I've stayed to myself, not wanting to betray you any further

What I've done draws a picture of you that looks so wrong
I can trace every line on your face back to the moment it started
The places, the words and the thoughts that sparked your joy
And I'd hate to think that I erased all of that
It's not about forgiveness and it's not about regret
Those are things that I'll never really get

I can't have it all
Wanting your approval when I was already in your grace
Letting go when I should have held you close
Telling you things that were wrong while pretending that I was right to
To push and pull at your heart like that
I wouldn't say goodbye, I wouldn't let you go
Proving that someone can have all the right intentions and still do all the wrong things
I may be many things, but I'm not your enemy
So many times I wanted to tell you not to look at me, only to listen to my voice
But in that moment I lost my voice, my heart and you
Losing you in my confusion